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i always want to have something like this. a place for me to express myself without have to think about people would see me or think about the perfect grammar or punctuation. i do have a diary (it's actually 2), one is my diary book and the other is my microsoft word diary. i started writing my first diary when it was the first day of january in 2018. and apparently i started writing my diary in my laptop since i found myself really lazy to write in the book LOL. 

i basically don't know what to write as the first topic. this post has become a draft since last month and i just found the mood to write today and perhaps ill go post it today. lets talk about my childhood then. when i was a kid i used to live as an extremely happy girl. people could see me really cheerful. i didn't think i feel pain. my mom and my dad were loving me hardly. until i got my first huge problem pretty fast, it was in my last year at primary. yea, friendship problem. as a kind of problem commonly encountered by kids. if i think about it now, i'm smiling and feel like there are butterflies in my stomach and feel a bit shy and put my hands in front of my face haha. the problem was like i have a mate but then my mate hate another mate and that another mate put hatred on us both. that was childish but i'm happy i was experiencing that kind of time. 

after those sweet stories i made in primary, my junior high school life was not working as my expectations went. i encountered another problem when i was stepping to junior high school life. i got bullied. and now i know bullying is real. i was not as strong as i am today with my belief, i didn't have close friends to talk about my struggles, i didn't used to tell everything to my mom or my family, and the point is i was all alone. that was hard times in my life. cause for me it is going to be super hard whenever the challenge comes while we're not ready for it. until the last year being a jhs student, i found my best friends. ugh, i love them. we were classmates since the beginning of jhs but i didn't really close to them. and the universe gathered us in the last year of jhs. but even tho it was the last year which its only a year, we enjoyed our times. i survived from that bullying and i've been growing a lot with them. even, in the last day in jhs i bravely spoke up to the people who bullied me. 

i think i'm done spoiling u with my stories. but i will not tired telling u stories. the others are yet to come and so, wait.