morning hugs

 

this morning i woke up next to my mom a little bit pushing me to the edge of my bed. i was pulling my face away from her, sharing half of the space - the very small space, given the fact that i own a small compact bed - for her to lie down just beside me. this is a moment to remember, hence i write. so rare, i barely experience this kind of cuddling moment with mom my entire life. wait, i love to call her "boru huruk, lalap na muruk" instead. huruk - her last name is Simanihuruk, i shortly call it huruk - is basically a bataknese kinship term. here i give you a clearer idea, my name is Legacy Sifra Sihaloho, you can tell that my clan is Sihaloho, it comes from my father's clan. mama and papa love to call me boru loho. until here, i hope u get a better understanding. whereas lalap na muruk simply means always angry. yes, she is. for some reasons, - maybe one of them is because she is a good mom or maybe because she is not - she likes to scold on anything, especially us kids. i often name them as 'scolds' while mama just doesnt think that way. she always thinks that she talks calmly, not with rage, only to tell good intentions. she thinks she doesnt talk that loud, nearly shouting most of the time. that's just her being her. but dont get me wrong. she is still one inspirational, kind-hearted lady after all. she is full of love and affection. she is soft and dearly. she loves to tell jokes. really, the duality of my mom, i might never know how to understand. the same case happened yesterday and this morning, herself being completely 2 different people. the day before today, she was talking with a bit higher tone of voice, providing the sense of furiousness. "why dont you change your cloth, its been there, stuck on your body since sunday?!" she looked pissed. i quite didnt understand. why would that simple problem - plus, ive been doing this since forever, not changing my clothes for days and skipping showers - bother her so much? ive been learning this for a long time. ive been studying her since whenever this habit became her habit. the key is to first put my ego at the bottom of everything, pause for a while, and process the moment. being sane is the key. not to judge quickly is the key. listening is the key. all this consciousness will result in the best reaction. and at the given time, the best reaction is to shut up. let her talk about what she really wants to say - or maybe not really. sometimes, people would be so mad over simple things, not because they are simple things, but because they merely want to let go of this cumulative anger piled up in their mind. she stopped after pretty much 5 minutes speaking out loud - and all this 5 minutes, i was quiet. i went to the kitchen afterward, took a papaya, sliced it to smaller chunks, and served her with a glass of water. i didnt talk much, only apologized and gave her hugs. we didnt talk much yesterday, but early this morning she came to my room and returned the hugs. i was semi-conscious, still so focused following the plot my dream was presenting. she whispered slowly, "your room is a chaos,' paused for a while and uttered "those clothes are a mess." i smiled. i turned to her, and hugged her. warmth in the middle of coldness penetrating the bone. i was completely sane by then, she is still 'boru huruk, lalap na muruk' after all.