grief upon a tombstone

it’s a completely opposite day. i never thought i would ever be here. seeing her all smiley and talkey never gave me the thoughts of her being like this. 

in reminiscence: inang was in UGD at the time. she was unable to speak. her body was tangled in so many different tubes. she was unable to move. her hands were all tied up to the side handle of her gurney. her eyes opened wide with a stream of fluid flowing out of that place, her cheeks were always wet. there was this huge white oxygen tank next to her head. her nose was occupied by the blue oxygen mask that didn’t even fit her small face. the function of her organs dropped constantly within a couple of hours and in this case, doctors and nurses needed to inject i-don’t-know-what fluid from her veins. there was also a heartbeat monitor that produced a very loud and intimidating sound, you can immediately hear it from afar when entering the room. this thing sits right next to the other side of the head. talking about the room, she was initially placed in UGD, a pretty spacious room packed and filled with so many people, a little bit chaotic, and certainly not my favorite place. later on, she was transferred to the transit room until the end of her life. there was a consideration to move her to ICU after her PCR test came out, but the medical team and my family agreed not to do so as we knew she wouldn’t stay for long. the transit room was a little bit smaller than the UGD, fewer people were there, and the room was generally quiet. but the quiet was loud, and it was even more intimidating, certainly not my favorite place either. 

she was brought to UGD on saturday (may 21) morning by an ambulance. this was a day after we invited a pastor to our home to hold a holy communion. everything happened so fast, everything happened in only a week. inang accidentally fell down from a sofa bed on monday (may 16). from that day forward, she was totally bedrest, recumbent horizontally on the very same sofa bed. after the holy communion we held on friday (may 20), she lost awareness, and her body and hands were cold. the next morning, what happened was we were calling for an ambulance and searching for a bed in the hospital because her condition was simply not good. i was outside at the time, rushing my way to the hospital to meet her, busy keeping my mind shut from all the bad thoughts and worries. my papa took the earliest flight the next day on sunday (may 22) to meet inang, her lovely mother. inang stayed at the hospital, in the transit room especially, until sunday morning, right after she heard the voice of io (my brother) from the telephone, also right after papa landed. take notes, papa was just landed at the airport when he received a call from me, informing that inang was gone, in fact he didn’t have the last chance to meet her. inang left us on sunday (22-05-22) at 7.50 am in the morning. she has received Jesus fully and wholly already before her death. with her soul she brought my wishes and prayers that i whispered to her ear during the time approaching her last second. “inang, pas ketemu Tuhan titip salam, ya. ega minta berkat dari inang.” oh, also! she left me a beautiful gold necklace she promised to give me when i was born. this necklace was with her the whole time for the past 18 years. she told me once in bataknese, if translated “setelah aku mati, kalung nya untuk kamu pun".

we took a flight to medan, kualanamu, on tuesday (may 24) after holding a traditional bataknese event in jakarta, 2 days following her death. from medan, we were transported to the loveliest island on earth, samosir. here, inang joined the club! she rested peacefully among others that go before her, especially very close to her husband who passed away decades ago. her final resting place is overwhelmingly and breathtakingly beautiful, i’m telling you it’s so beautiful, she must be so happy. the place sits right in front of regal mountain and blue lake toba. this place is just very her. here is where she belongs, where she was born. 

a little thought about inang. she was an incredibly strong and tough woman, i just came to realize. her husband left her forever when her youngest kid was only 5 years old. she took care of everything, every single thing, and managed to raise 5 kids very well. all of her kids were her actual legacy. they are educated, successful, independent, fine, and healthy. she raised such loving and respectful kids. she is honored and admired.

until we meet again in the garden of eden, inang.