4 Monate

So, for the past four months, I've lived what felt like hundreds of lives, and to say that I'm ineffably blessed is an understatement.

I flew 6,000 miles away from home for the first time. I took the German language class and questioned my life choices. I rang the fire alarm three times in an attempt to cook something good for lunch. I met a very sweet guy an hour after crying by the Danube River in Budapest. I was in three different countries in the same day and honestly nearly fainted by the end of it. I lay down on the grass and read my books during the summer. I wandered alone at the foot of the Alps. I ate the best tiramisu I've ever had in my entire life and danced on the streets of Trastevere in Rome. I got drenched in the rain on the way to the Vatican. I made custom Legos and drank hot chocolate with a very close friend of mine from college in Sweden. I had the loudest cry over a conflict and learned things the hard way. I had a warm conversation over a warm bowl of pho with the warmest people. I visited flea markets during the summer and Christmas markets during the winter in Berlin. I learned that Paris has an odd combination of being both smelly and pretty. I missed a bus that was supposed to take me to Brussels and had to put on a sad face while begging for another ticket without having to pay extra. I missed a train (again) on my way to Austria, but this time I had to pay extra. I shared cookies and listened to jazz with a bus driver in Amsterdam. I spilled my coffee and received help from strangers on the train to Munich. I listened to Batak songs and touched snow for the first time in Switzerland. I visited an iconic spot from one of my favorite K-dramas in Iseltwald. I received the news of a loved one’s passing. I sweated under my four layers of clothes while simultaneously feeling my hands start to freeze. I made a grave mistake and hurt one of the people I dearly love. And, I am writing this from a café in Hamburg, waiting for my best friend from high school to finish her shift, having just met my cousin.

When I first signed up for this, I didn’t expect things to unfold the way they eventually did. But I’m glad that they did. I’ve learned to understand a few things better, about navigating the world around me and within me. I understand now why my mother always dreaded having to cook, do laundry, and clean up. I understand now when to stand up for myself and protect my peace. I understand now how a simple “hey, how are you?” can go a long way. I understand now what most people are concerned about in relationships. I understand now how to face and deal with the difficult parts of myself. I understand now that getting through hard things will make me gentle with the ways of the world. I think I’m going home a different person. And I’m glad that I am.